The Uncommonwealth

"I got a Hum-Job right in the Oval Office - Now how cool is that?"

All of the delegates and media types visiting Boston for the first time this week are going to think this town is a sleepy, laid-back place.

The truth is... half of Massachusetts has left the state if not the country this week and the other half is taking the week off period and cowering under their beds until it's over. NOBODY is working this week. My second easiest commute of the year was this morning. My easiest commute of the year was tonight.

It will be quite a trip to troll google news and read the first dispatch from the political reporter for the Podunk Triplicate-Malaise, or whatever, filing his convention diaries and reporting that "Beantown" (yes, they actually use that phrase) is a tidy (!), orderly(!!) button-down place where traffic zips unimpeded along the major highways, parking spaces are readily available even in Harvard Square and Beacon Hill, where municipal crews promptly remove bird crap from city sidewalks and politically inconvenient banners from pizza parlors, and "Beantown Buddies" steer hapless delegates from Dubuque to the Olde Towne Trolley for the nickel tour of Paul Revere's Ride and the Old North Church.

Driving home from Castle Island yesterday, I was shocked by the sight of a group of outwardly-normal-looking teens holding hand-painted "I(heart) NY" signs outside the "L" Street Bathhouse (site of the NY delegation welcoming party). These are teens who, under normal circumstances, would be screaming "Yankees suck" and wearing T-shirts describing in graphic detail the alleged intramural sexual habits of the pinstriped squad. All this, in the land of gay marriage. As about a thousand pundits have already pointed out, Boston is a land of contrasts, simultaneously the most and least PC city that can possibly exist without imploding.

Particularly annoying is some of the local welcoming types' undertone of "Welcome to the `New Boston'" (as if we had to apologize for the old one).

Certainly it seems bizarre for the world's second-largest financial center, a region with a venture capital industry that's bigger than all of Europe's, the second largest high-tech and biggest biotech industry, to be so defensive. Other than NY, LA, Chicago, San Fran and San Diego (all cities that are in bigger weight classes), what does Boston have to feel insecure about? But after seeing some of the convention entertainment it's clear that what they're apologizing for is that Boston has so many white people.

Anyway... they have quite the list of speakers. I'm going to tape Hillary's speech and use her voice to peel the lacquer off the coffee table that I've been meaning to refinish. And Jimmy Carter's, for the deep trance therapy I've been meaning to take up. But Mumbles Menino's speech is truly going to be must-see TV. We even get that channel out here in the western part of the state... Newton.

According to the Boston Globe's exhaustive inventory of convention gift bags, irritating middle-aged Brighton jogging shoe manufacturer New Balance springs to the forefront. What else would we expect from the company whose ads  (sweaty office complex jogger ducks into elevator, yet somehow avoids being beaten to death by colleagues) argue persuasively in favor of the reinstatement of capital punishment in the Bay State?

"New Balance was among the first to commit, spending $250,000 on top of its cash contribution to make the 30,000 canvas bags bearing the company's logo and the host committee's logo -- ''Boston 2004: Nothing conventional about it."
As a testament to the marketing prowess of the convention gift bags, New Balance is also providing bags for the Republican National Convention in New York next month.
But the Republicans will be getting a different accoutrement: a fashionable, black messenger bag that slides across the shoulder.
''It's very New York," explained Katherine L. Shepard, a New Balance spokeswoman. ''The tote is more New England."

Main Entry: fas·cism Pronunciation: 'fa-"shi-z&m also 'fa-"si-Function: nounEtymology: Italian fascismo, from fascio bundle, fasces, group, from Latin fascis bundle & fasces fasces1 often capitalized : a political philosophy, movement, or regime (as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition

 
BOSTON -- The owner of a pizza shop across from the FleetCenter is furious that the city has asked him to take down a banner he's erected across from the FleetCenter supporting President George W Bush.

NewsCenter 5's Amalia Barreda reported that it's lunchtime and business at Halftime Pizza is hot. Back in the kitchen, they can't make the pizzas fast enough.
Right across from the FleetCenter, you would think that Halftime Pizza would be looking forward to a major money week during the Democratic National Convention. Instead, the owner says all the hassle of it is forcing him to close his restaurant down.
"I'm closing because of all the security, the hassle, my regular customers are gone for the week. It's just going to be dealing with the DNC, and I'll put my food up against anybody else's, but they have over 30,000 meals in there, and you can't compete against a free lunch," owner Mark Pasquale said.
On Wednesday, Pasquale began advertising his feelings on a 24-foot long banner he hung outside his restaurant. The sign thanks the DNC for nothing and dares to root for the Republican incumbent for president.
He said that he got a visit Thursday from city officials who wrote him up for lacking a permit for the sign.
"I'm not taking it down. It's staying. I'll pay the fine," Pasquale said.

As George W. said to Michael Moore: "Find honest work."


BOSTON -- Saying they were "humiliated" by the federal government, members of Nipmuc Nation announced Wednesday that they would appeal the Bureau of Indian Affairs' rejection of their bid for federal recognition.

Based in Sutton, the tribe -- labeled as the Hassanamisco band by the BIA -- is one of two groups of Massachusetts-based Nipmuc Indians who saw its applications rejected in mid-June. If its bid for recognition had been approved, the band planned to build a casino.

"It's almost like the British have returned and dismantled us again," said tribe treasurer Ken Hamilton. "They didn't just deny us. They beat us up. They humiliated us."

By Renee Graham, Globe Staff | July 6, 2004

When John Bonham drank himself to death in 1980, it effectively marked the end for Led Zeppelin. His surviving bandmates - Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, and John Paul Jones - rightfully believed Bonzo, one of rock's protean drummers, was irreplaceable. Though the band was at the peak of its popularity, they determined Zeppelin simply could not exist without Bonham. In the decades since, Page and Plant have toured together, but never again have they called themselves Led Zeppelin.

At first, it seemed as if R&B trio TLC would follow a similar track. After the April 2002 death of its most spirited member, Lisa ``Left Eye'' Lopes, Tionne ``T-Boz'' Watkins and Rozonda ``Chilli'' Thomas completed their fourth album, ``3D,'' which had been in production when Lopes perished in a car accident in Honduras. Released in September 2002 and dedicated to Lopes, the album was received as a coda to one of the best-selling female groups in pop music history. Their performance last summer at Giants Stadium in New Jersey was billed as TLC's final appearance, and in various interviews, both Watkins and Thomas maintained Lopes would never be replaced.

``Is this it for you girls or are you going to be taking on another member?'' Jill Rappaport, ``Today'' entertainment reporter asked TLC's surviving members six months after Lopes's death.

``Never another member,'' Watkins said. Then, when asked whether they might continue as a duo, Watkins added ``The money's not worth it. There's nothing worth that. And it's either TLC forever or not at all.''

So it surprised many when it was announced last week that TLC was not only planning to replace Lopes but would do so on a Fox reality show documenting their search.

At this point, the show has neither a network commitment nor a premiere date, but that's hardly the point...

(It goes on... and on... and on... for another 19 inches or so...)